


Allegiance Forsaken

by Duffydog



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 23:49:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21006206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duffydog/pseuds/Duffydog
Summary: After Chakotay leaves the ship, Voyager unexpectedly finds a way home. J/C





	1. Chakotay leaves

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first effort at fan fiction and is dedicated to [KJ](http://koffeeklub.net/kj/index1.html) (read her stuff – it’s good) who declared firmly “if you can write it in your head, you can put it on paper”; also to all fan fiction writers everywhere who have kept the idea of J/C alive for so long. Who needs TPTB? We don’t. This is by way of thanks for all the pleasure you have given me with your stories. Enjoy.
> 
> Disclaimer: Don’t own ‘em, but if I did ….

“Damn it, Kathryn!” Chakotay shouted in complete fury. “Why won’t you listen?! Why do you insist on putting yourself in danger like that? Do you ever stop to think about the rest of us? About how we would feel if you_ didn’t_ make it back from one of these dam fool missions? Or do you just not care? The invincible Kathryn Janeway! Well, I’ve got news for you. One day, you won’t make it back. You won’t succeed. You won’t beat the odds.” His voice dropped as the anger abated and despair took its place. “Why do I even bother trying – you don’t listen to me. You don’t care about what I go through…”

Kathryn Janeway sat in her chair at her desk, saying nothing. She did not want to upset Chakotay any more; maybe silence from her would make him run out of steam sooner. It seemed to be working. She was not an unfeeling woman, but she had heard this particular rant far too often, and no longer paid very much attention. She was the captain – she would not ask anything of her crew that she refused to do herself. Therefore, she took the most dangerous away missions. That way, if something happened, it happened to her and she would not be burdened with still more guilt because she had sent yet another crewmember into an impossible situation.

In his more rational moments, Chakotay understood this, but he was far too protective of her; whenever her safety was threatened, reason went out the airlock.

Silence fell; apparently he had finished. Good – now maybe she could get some work done and slip down to sickbay when he wasn’t looking. Some of her bruises were quite painful and she was starting to wonder if she _had_ cracked at least two ribs. Fortunately, no injuries were visible. If Chakotay had any idea of how much she’d been hurt, he would literally tie her to her chair to keep her from leaving the ship again.

The Commander realized that, as on previous occasions, his words were not having much effect. Turning on his heel, he walked out, wondering if she had even noticed that he’d gone. The misery left a hard knot in his chest, one he knew from experience would stay with him for some time. He was so tired of this, so tired generally, and depressed. He couldn’t find a way to get through to Kathryn, to make her understand even a little bit how torn up he was every time she led a mission like that. He had tried not to care, had tried to maintain a professional demeanor. But it was looking somewhat ragged these days and, he was sure, not very professional. Certainly not by Starfleet standards.

As he sat on the bridge trying to regain his calm, he longed yet again for peace and order. He didn’t know how much more turmoil he could take. Certainly, he would be as bored as anyone else with a dull, monotonous existence, but life on Voyager was at either one extreme or the other. There seemed to be no middle ground. And much as he loved the crew, the ship and its captain, he was beginning to think seriously about leaving. Permanently.

An hour later, Janeway decided that she could wait no longer and left her ready room to go to sickbay. However, as she mounted the steps to the turbolift, she stumbled and tripped, unable to stop a moan of pain – which Chakotay heard as he moved to help her up.

“Captain, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, Commander. I’m fine,” she replied as she tried to regain her footing. Even as she spoke, the damaged rib shifted, causing her to moan again and indicate very clearly that she was not all right.

“Captain, you’re white as a sheet! Tuvok, take the bridge while I get the captain to sickbay.”

Janeway was really feeling rather faint so she permitted the commander the liberty of half-carrying her onto the turbolift, and subsequently into sickbay. The EMH was already activated, thanks to Tuvok, and he immediately scanned the captain. His mouth thinned in to a severe line of disapproval as he checked his tricorder. 

“Captain! Why did you not come here sooner? You have no business being on your feet or even sitting up in this condition.”

“And just what condition is that?” inquired Chakotay in a deceptively soft voice.

“You can see right here, Commander. A bruised liver, and let’s hope it’s only bruised and not torn, several cracked ribs, this one is actually broken, plus a lot – an awful lot – of bruises and contusions all over her body.”

Janeway had had enough.

“Doctor! You will report my condition to _me_, not the commander!”

“Yes, Captain, but…”

“Doctor, stop right there! Commander, thank you for your assistance; please return immediately to the bridge.”

Chakotay had no choice but to obey, and they both knew it, but she could see the disapproval in his stiff back as he exited sickbay. Well, she would coax him around later when she was feeling better.

“Now, doctor. Please repair all that you can. And yes, I know what you’re going to say so I’ll save you the trouble. I will go to my quarters now for a few hours. But I need to be on my feet and ready to go by 0700 tomorrow. Understood? Do whatever you have to, to ensure that.”

“Captain, you are not a machine! You can’t just order your body to be completely healed by a certain time.”

“Doctor! Do it!” And the glare was on him in full force.

“Yes, Captain,” he replied in a resigned tone. And he turned away to prepare a series of hyposprays, all the while muttering to himself in an aggrieved fashion.

Janeway tuned him out.

* * *

Chakotay finished his shift on the bridge and retreated immediately to his quarters. He wasn’t hungry, and certainly couldn’t face Neelix’s latest in his present mood. As he sat brooding, the idea of leaving came back, stronger than ever. Finally, more out of curiosity than anything else, he logged into Astrometrics’ latest reports to see what lay ahead. At first glance, there didn’t seem to be anything suitable but then, in a cluster of half a dozen solar systems, he saw one with several M-class planets. As he focused on them, one in particular caught his eye. It looked like New Earth. He searched for more information about it, but could find none. So, he went to the Astrometrics lab where he found Seven setting up a series of scans of an L-class nebula located in the opposite direction.

“Commander, I was about to call you. I am nearly ready to begin scans of the nebula three light years away – there.”

“Seven, instead of the nebula, could you send a probe the other way towards that cluster of solar systems – yes, those ones.”

“If you wish, Commander. But I thought you would want…”

“Thanks, Seven, but we’ve scanned lots of nebulas. Let’s see what’s over here. There might be some useful minerals or ores.”

“There are not. I have already done a geological scan of that area – what ores there are we already have in abundance.”

“Seven, please! Indulge me.”

“Very well, Commander. Will a class four probe suffice?”

“Yes, that should be fine. Please let me know when it starts to transmit data.” And he left her looking rather puzzled.

An hour later, Seven paged Chakotay.

“Commander, the probe has begun transmitting. Would you like me to route the data to your quarters?”

“Yes, thank you, Seven. And program it to self-destruct when its orbit starts to decay.”

“Yes, Commander.”

Chakotay brought up the data, ordered a cup of tea from the replicator and made himself comfortable. As the information came through, he found that the planet was inhabited with a thriving agricultural-based society, no satellites in orbit and very little pollution. The latter indicated either a pre-industrial society or one so advanced that all pollutants had either been removed or placed underground. There were two fairly small arctic zones, one at each pole, and a desert area on one of three continents. There were several mountain ranges of varying heights on all the continents, but for the most part, the land seemed to be either forests or plains. Approximately one quarter to one third of the surface was ocean. There were several communities of several hundred thousand people each, and many smaller ones, but no metropolises. It looked perfect.

For the first time in several days, Chakotay felt his despair lifting. He found himself anticipating and hoping that there, in that place, he would be able to live in peace. Finally, he had something to look forward to.

* * *

Late the next day, the commander requested an interview with his captain. She steeled herself as he followed her into her ready room, fully expecting to receive a severe lecture bordering on a tongue-lashing from her first officer; truth be told, she had been waiting for it all day. Therefore, his words caught her completely by surprise.

“Captain, I am requesting permission to leave the ship.”

“Chakotay?! Leave the ship where? You mean you want to go on an away mission?”

“No, Captain. I wish to leave the ship permanently. There is an M-class planet in one of the solar systems immediately ahead. I have studied it and believe I could settle there.”

Janeway sat in her chair, her mouth agape, utterly at a loss for words. Leave?! He couldn’t leave! She needed him – they all needed him! How could he leave?

Chakotay watched her face and when she finally remembered to close her mouth, he judged her ready to listen to him.

“I know you have questions and comments, Captain, but I would like you to hear me out first. To begin: I am tired, bone-tired, so tired that I have trouble at times remembering what I should be doing. For nearly seven years, we have jumped from one crisis to the next, mostly with hardly a break in between. I know you thrive on that but I don’t. I may have liked it when I was younger, but not now. Not for seven years, almost non-stop. I don’t really think my absence will make much difference to the crew; I expect they’ll miss me at first – well, I hope they will – but we’ve all been together so long, everyone knows their roles very well now. I have not felt truly needed for a long time – the crew will be fine without me. I want some peace and order in my life. I want more control, to know what will happen each day; and I want to stay in one place. I’ve had enough, Captain. I want off.”

Kathryn Janeway was rarely at a loss for words, but she had no clue what to say to him now. He had obviously been considering this for some time. Why hadn’t he said something about being so tired – but she knew why. He had been trying not to add to her burdens. It hadn’t occurred to her until now how much she must have added to his.

“Chakotay, I don’t know what to say, except that I don’t want you to go. I need you, we all do, and while I realize it may not always seem that way…”

“Captain – Kathryn, don’t. You’ve made it very clear, especially recently, that you don’t need me. The fact that you do the opposite of every suggestion I make indicates that I am of no use to you.”

“Chakotay, that’s not true!”

“Yes, Kathryn, it is.”

She hung her head a bit because deep down, she knew he was right. Lately, she had been feeling particularly perverse and had almost gone out of her way to be as difficult as possible. The most recent away mission was a case in point. What could she do or say to make him stay? And the answer was – nothing. She couldn’t go beyond command protocol and wouldn’t anyway at this point. That would be really low. She decided to stall for time.

“Chakotay, I would like to give this some thought, work out the ramifications…” My God! Was she even considering this? He couldn’t leave her!

Chakotay handed her a padd. “I’ve already done that; I think I’ve covered all eventualities.” Numbly she took it and nodded her head in dismissal.

“We reach the planet tomorrow morning, Captain. I need your answer by then.” And he left.

* * *

As evening wore on into night, the captain progressed through incredulity to anger to partial acceptance. By early morning, she had a blinding headache and was totally exhausted. But she had come to the realization that if he really wanted to leave, she couldn’t stop him. And so, she set out for his quarters to tell him.

* * *

Voyager entered orbit around the planet some two hours later. Local authorities were contacted, the situation explained and permission granted on certain conditions. Chakotay was required to promise to live as their people did, to abide by their laws, to bring no strange technology or weapons and to have no contact with any off-worlders other than Voyager’s crew. In return, he would be accepted into whichever community he chose to join, and given assistance as needed. Close scans had already established that this civilization was advanced, but the people had chosen to live an agrarian lifestyle in harmony with the land. Chakotay knew he could not have found a better home.

The captain made a shipwide announcement – the crew were given half a day to say goodbye. B’Elanna broke down in tears although she would swear later it hadn’t happened. Chakotay was practically in tears himself – he hadn’t thought it would be so hard but he knew he was doing the right thing.

Kathryn stayed away, giving the crew as much time as she could. Finally, in the transporter room, she came to say goodbye. She dismissed all other crew and manipulated the controls herself. No one ever knew exactly what was said between captain and commander, and when the captain exited a few minutes later with somewhat red eyes, no one made any comment. She retreated to her ready room with orders not to be disturbed.

Chakotay was gone.


	2. Voyager Continues

On a day two months after leaving Chakotay’s planet, as the crew had named it, Kathryn Janeway sat in her ready room and wondered, for the umpteenth time, what had possessed her to let him go. She was not happy. She pretended for the sake of the crew, she tried to be bright and cheerful in a captainly sort of way, but truth be told, she had not been happy for a long time. If she couldn’t admit it to anyone else, at least, she thought, she had better be honest enough to admit it to herself. She missed him! Oh lord – how she missed him! So many times, she looked around for the twinkle in his eye, the slight smile, only to be brought up short by the empty chair to her left. She had appointed Tuvok as first officer, but his skills at tactical were required often enough that it was easier for him, and everyone else, to stay there. So Chakotay’s chair remained empty – and that made it even harder. She had never felt so alone, ever.

The call came out of the blue. “Captain to the bridge!”

She hurried out of her ready room, mentally preparing herself for the latest Delta Quadrant bully, only to stop and stare in amazement at the viewscreen. There, big as life, was a wormhole! A great big swirling gorgeous wormhole! A too-good-to-be-true wormhole!

“Launch a probe, Harry. Let’s see where it goes.” She tried very hard not to get her hopes up. So many things had gone wrong – well, one big thing, but that had led to a lot of other things; it was time, more than time, for something to go right.

“Captain, receiving telemetry from the probe.”

“On screen.”

They all watched, holding their breaths, as the colours swirled faster and faster until – POP! The probe came out the other end.

“Where is it, Harry?”

A long pause. “Captain! It’s the Alpha Quadrant!”

“Are you sure? You must be sure!”

“I’m sure, Captain! It is! It’s the Alpha Quadrant – I think somewhere near the Neutral Zone. It should be about two weeks from Earth at warp six – approximately.”

“Oh, mother!” yelled Tom Paris. “We’re coming home!”

“Harry!” yelled Janeway above the sudden uproar. “Shipwide speakers. All hands, the probe is in the Alpha Quadrant! I repeat, the wormhole leads to the Alpha Quadrant. Batten down the hatches and hang on! We're going home!”

And with a flash, Voyager dove into the wormhole and left the Delta Quadrant behind.


	3. Home

“Starfleet Command! This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of USS Voyager. We are in the Alpha Quadrant. Please respond. Starfleet Command!…” The hail played repeatedly for what seemed like an interminable length of time until Harry Kim spoke.

“Captain, our hail is being answered.”

“On shipwide speakers, Ensign. I want the whole crew to hear this.”

“USS Voyager, this is Starfleet Command. Come in please, Voyager.”

“Starfleet, this is Voyager.”

“Voyager, where are you? State your position.”

“We are in the Alpha Quadrant, near the Neutral Zone, or what used to be the Neutral Zone. Please advise if any Federation ships are in the area.”

“Voyager, stand by."

* * *

“Voyager, be advised that the Enterprise under Captain Picard is the nearest ship. They are being notified now to proceed posthaste to your position. Also, be advised to watch for Romulan ships; they may or may not be hostile. Starfleet out.”

“Welcome home to the Alpha Quadrant,” sighed Paris. “And be prepared to defend ourselves. Nice to know some things haven’t changed.”

“Go to yellow alert. All hands, you heard Starfleet. We will wait for the Enterprise and hope no Romulan ships are in the area.”

* * *

For ten hours Voyager sat in open space waiting for its escort. The atmosphere was a strange mixture of hope, apprehension, expectation and a real fear that they could still be destroyed by an old enemy. It seemed almost cruel to think that they had come so far and survived so much, but might still fall short this close to home. Most spoke in lowered voices and almost tiptoed around the ship, as if by keeping as quiet as possible, they might better escape detection.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the Enterprise appeared, screaming in at full warp.

“Voyager, this is Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Be prepared to go to maximum warp; Romulan warbirds have been detected on an intercept heading. Oh – and by the way – welcome home.”

“Enterprise, standing by. And thank you. It’s good to be home – I think!”

“Bridge to Engineering. B’Elanna, I’m going to need maximum warp very quickly. We have been detected by the Romulans and are going to make a run for it.”

“Aye Captain. Warp engines standing by. Ready at your command.”

“Voyager, this is the Enterprise. Maximum warp – now!”

As the Enterprise swept around Voyager in a tight turn, the smaller ship jumped to warp 9 and shot off in its wake.

* * *

Several hours later, the Enterprise slowed its furious pace and hailed its companion.

“Voyager, this is the Enterprise. I think we can slow down a bit and catch our breath. And give you a proper welcome.” And various coloured spotlights danced over the sleek hull in random patterns.

“Enterprise, thank you. Please give us our orders and an ETA for Earth. We have a lot of people who have waited a long time for this.”

“Voyager, we will proceed directly to Earth. Those are the only orders I have at present. You caught Command quite by surprise and I don’t think they have formulated any action yet. Meanwhile, I have a crewman here who has more than a passing interest in your ship. He would like very much to visit if that’s possible. I believe you spoke with him briefly two years ago.”

“Lt. Barclay! Yes, by all means send him over. We are all quite anxious to meet him.”

* * *

Over the nearly two weeks it took to reach Earth, there was much visiting back and forth between the two ships. Mr. Barclay actually spent most of his time on Voyager and was made an honourary member of the crew. Messages were sent and received; recent history, particularly the war with the Dominion, explained and analyzed, and anticipation built as they drew nearer to Earth.

The one question which remained unanswered was the fate of the former Maquis. Try as she might, Janeway could not get anything but evasive responses from headquarters. In the end, Picard advised her to back off as her persistence might harden positions more than necessary. There was still a lot of unresolved feelings about the Maquis. While the general public mostly sympathized with them (which wasn’t hard as the remaining few were all imprisoned), Starfleeters were often resentful, particularly of those Maquis who had once served in the ‘fleet. Janeway did her best to reassure her crew but the uncertainty was like a dark cloud.

As they approached Earth, more and more ships appeared to join them until they reached a point one day out - and there they stopped. Before them the fleet was drawn up in welcome. Lights played across hulls big and small as the Enterprise led Voyager through the great armada which then formed up behind and on either side as they began the very last day of their long, long journey.

Tears of joy and pride ran down the face of every crewmember. They had done it! They had come 70,000 light years! They had made it home!

All over the Federation, beings stopped to watch and marvel that one ship could have survived so much. In honour of such a special occasion, Voyager was permitted to land as close to Starfleet Headquarters as was feasible. And so, for the last time, Captain Janeway called out her orders.

“Mr. Paris. Code Blue. Prepare to land. Engines off line. Thrusters only. Landing struts – engage. Inertial dampeners at maximum. Take us down, Tom.”

“Aye Captain. Landing struts engaged. Engines off line. Inertial dampeners at maximum. Here we go.”

As the ship sank down, wave after wave of sound rose up to meet it from the thousands gathered to watch.

They touched down.

The hatch opened to a roar so loud that all were deafened. Kathryn Janeway led her crew down the ramp to Earth – and believed, finally, that they were really home.


	4. Review

“Captain Janeway. You are hereby ordered to appear before a Board of Inquiry to explain your actions in the Delta Quadrant. Present yourself at Starfleet Headquarters at 0900 tomorrow morning. Starfleet out.”

Well, she had known all along that eventually she would have to justify her decisions – she just hadn’t expected to be called before a board quite so soon. So much for the welcome home, she thought. Not even one day to celebrate before getting down to business. She had not even had time to inquire about her family or look for personal messages. Well, she could do that anyway. Now that was odd…no messages. Not one. That didn’t seem right.

She paged several of the senior staff only to discover they had all run up against a blank wall. Apparently, Starfleet intended to debrief the entire crew first before permitting them to be “distracted” by friends and families. Janeway found their attitude to be more than a little dictatorial, but she was in no position to argue. She knew she would find it difficult at first to accept others’ authority, so she tried to put a good face on it and save her battles for more important things – such as the fate of her Maquis crewmembers. There was still no word and she was getting very worried. Perhaps tomorrow would bring more positive news. With a heart much heavier than she would have believed possible on this day of all days, she went to bed.

* * *

At 0900 hours sharp, Kathryn Janeway walked into the briefing room at headquarters where the inquiry was to be held. On the opposite side of a large table were five admirals with aides, perhaps a dozen officers, and on her side, there was – her. At such a blatant attempt to intimidate her, her chin came up and her eyes snapped.

Three of the admirals – Nechayev, Hayes and Paris – she knew but not the other two. Only Owen Paris could be considered a friend and advocate. Hayes was a fussy, by-the-book man who had not served in the field in nearly forty years. And Nechayev! Oh lord! Janeway had had a number of run-ins with her over the years. She remembered too that Chakotay hated her – why, she had never learned but there definitely was a history there. For years, there had been rumours about Alynna Nechayev’s constantly rotating staff: always male, always good-looking, always young. The more unkind had called them her “boy toys” although not to her face. Nechayev had a well-deserved reputation for never forgetting a slight and for always getting revenge. Janeway would have to watch her step very carefully.

They began, first one then another; questions coming from all sides and with no regard for chronology.

“Captain, could you explain….”

“Captain, on stardate xxx, you met the race known as….”

“Captain, what happened on stardate xxx that made you take the following actions….”

On and on it went. Often, they did not even wait for a full answer before going on to the next question. Obviously, a whole team of analysts had poured over the ship’s logs which she had transmitted in the last two years. She began to get confused, to muddle events, to forget details. So much had happened – and it was hard to remember sometimes just why she had done what she had five or six years before.

After four hours, there was a half hour break for a meal, then it began again.

At 1800 hours, with Janeway visibly sagging in her chair, the board called a halt.

“We will reconvene tomorrow at 0900. Captain, you are to remain at HQ tonight. A room has been prepared and personal necessities brought from the ship. You will have no contact with anyone until this inquiry is completed. Understood?”

“Yes, Admiral.”

A young lieutenant led her to her room and locked her in for the night. She was appalled – what was the matter with these people? Did they think she was going to run away? She tried to become angry but found she was simply too exhausted to care.

Climbing into bed, she gazed out the window towards where she thought the Delta Quadrant was, and tried to imagine what Chakotay would be doing. She missed him more than ever, but was very glad he wasn’t here now. She didn’t like to think where he would have spent the night – most likely in a prison cell if the attitudes she had seen today were any indication. So far, his name had only come up in passing but she knew that eventually she would have to justify why she had let him leave.

* * *

Day two passed much as day one, as did day three. By the end of the fourth day, Janeway was completely numb. Her speech had become slurred, her memory was playing tricks, and her eyes were glazed over. At first, the silence didn’t register, then she realized no one had asked a question. Well, she didn’t think so. Had anyone? They were all looking at each other and consulting their PADDs.

“Captain Janeway” said Admiral Hayes. “We are going to stop early today so that we may review your testimony. Tomorrow will be the last day. Dismissed.”

Staggering to her feet, she attempted to straighten to attention, although if the look on Nechayev’s face was any indication, she wasn’t very successful. At least the end was in sight. At this point, she was grateful for any small mercy.

* * *

0900 hours. The last day. The Board composed itself, the Captain sat up as straight as she could in anticipation of a quick departure. Her hopes were dashed.

“Captain Janeway, upon review, the Board finds that there are three particular questions for which further explanation is required. The first concerns the destruction of the Caretaker’s array seven years ago. Please elaborate, in as much detail as possible, exactly why you took such action, thereby breaking the Prime Directive.” And so it began again. At least the questions were all focused on the one event which made her answers somewhat more coherent.

“Captain Janeway. In the sixth year of your journey, you encountered another Starfleet vessel, the Equinox. Apparently, this vessel was destroyed by you. Please explain such an extraordinary event – in full detail.” This time, she had more trouble justifying her actions, particularly in light of Chakotay’s and Tuvok’s logs. She knew she had gone too far, but had hoped to gloss over the fact that she had relieved her second-in-command and threatened to relieve her third. Both officers’ logs stated the case very precisely along with their opinions that the captain had been overstressed and not thinking clearly. Damning evidence, she knew, particularly when one corroborated the other. But, finally, questions on this topic ended as well.

“Captain, two months before you found the wormhole which led to the Alpha Quadrant, you permitted your first officer and the terrorist whom you were originally ordered to capture, to leave the ship. Explain.” Janeway opened her mouth and found she had no words. How could she explain their relationship when she had never quite understood it herself? So far, she had avoided any questions about the personal aspects of her friendship with Chakotay; she had managed to make it seem like a good working command relationship only – and she really did not want to open up that particular can of worms.

Nechayev had an odd gleam in her eye which Janeway didn’t like at all. If she weren’t careful, the whole thing was going to come out and look far worse that it had actually been. So many different interpretations could be put on their behaviour toward each other. In the end, she replied only that the commander had wished to leave, and in light of his exemplary service to the ship, she had let him. They danced around, trying to get her to trip herself up, but Janeway had had enough, and simply refused to say anything different. Eventually, the Board gave up and dismissed her for two hours while they decided her fate.

“Captain Kathryn Janeway. This Board of Inquiry, which has been investigating your actions in the Delta Quadrant, is making the following recommendations to Starfleet Command. One, you are to be relieved of command immediately and permanently. Two, you are to undergo a full and complete evaluation by a team of Starfleet psychiatrists who will then report to Command on your mental state. Three, as an alternative, you may take early retirement immediately with the proviso that you are not at any time, now or ever, to captain a ship, no matter what size, anywhere. If you disregard this proviso, you will be permanently confined to a facility for the mentally disabled. If you wish to appeal these recommendations, you may do so. But be aware that such an action will most likely result in a full court martial with all the attendant publicity. You are dismissed.”

Kathryn Janeway sat in total disbelief. She could not comprehend what she had just heard. Take away her command?! Take away Voyager?! Take away her life?!! Why were they doing this? She hadn’t done anything so dreadful – well, the Equinox incident was a mess, but did that justify taking away everything that meant anything to her? As she continued to sit, her jaw hanging open, Owen Paris came up to her, pulled her to her feet and led her out of the room. They ended up in his office where she finally found her voice.

“Owen, why?!! I don’t understand – why am I being punished? Why all this talk of psychiatrists and mental facilities? I’m fine! There’s nothing wrong with me that a bit of leave won’t cure. There’s nothing wrong with me!!”

As he listened to her, Admiral Paris remembered the eager young cadet of so long ago. Whether she liked it or not, this woman bore no resemblance at all to that cadet.

“Kathryn, I want you to listen to me. And no interrupting until I’m finished. Agreed?” At her nod, he began. “Kathryn, you have accomplished a feat that no other captain ever has. For seven years, you have been Starfleet. You’ve had no days off, no rest, no leave, no downtime to be anything other than the captain. Yes, I remember about New Earth, but that was so long ago and for such a short period, it really doesn’t count. You have been “on duty” for seven years. And whether you believe it or not, no human being can withstand that kind of constant stress without her judgment being affected. Add to that the constant turmoil which you have undergone. The Kazon, Vidiians, Borg, species 8472, the Hirogen, Borg again, on and on, always someone ready to cut your throats and seize your ship. No backup, no one to turn to for help – only you. Your crew certainly has behaved in a manner far beyond anyone’s expectations. They will all, and I mean all, receive commendations. Those who were Maquis will also receive full pardons in light of their service to Starfleet.” Kathryn breathed a big sigh of relief at that. Something had gone right in all this horror.

“But Kathryn, I should tell you that if Chakotay had returned with you, he would not have been pardoned. His service to Voyager would have been taken into account, but he would have stood trial for treason. And if he ever does come back, that will still happen. The books on him remain open.”

“Owen, I’m sorry to stop you and I know I promised not to, but could you tell me why all the others were allowed to go free and not him?”

“He was their leader – it’s that simple. And as their leader, their captain, his is the final responsibility. I shouldn’t have to tell you that, Kathryn.”

“No, of course not. I see that now. Please continue.”

“Starfleet believes, Kathryn, that your judgment and therefore your whole decision-making process have been seriously impaired by the years spent in the Delta Quadrant. They are worried enough that they will not permit you to command again, ever. They have grave concerns about your risk-taking, about your willingness to compromise the crew’s safety for some very questionable reasons, and, most damning of all,” and here he took a deep breath, “the survivors of the Equinox have filed a formal grievance regarding your treatment of them both during and after the encounter with their ship, in particular your treatment of Crewman Lessing.”

Kathryn couldn’t believe it. These people had broken the Prime Directive in the most brutal manner possible. How could they have the gall to complain about her behaviour! As she started to tell Owen this, he stopped her with one sentence. “They were acting under orders, just as your crew was. Starfleet does not expect them to take responsibility for the actions of Ransom and Burke.”

“But Owen! For heaven’s sake! They could have refused…”

“Could they, Kathryn? What if it had been members of your crew? You better than anyone know what it was like out there, and I understand their situation was much more dire than yours, right from the start. Starfleet is allowing their grievance.”

She covered her face, rubbed her eyes, and for the thousandth time, damned the Equinox.

Owen Paris debated stopping but thought she might as well hear the rest of it. “There’s more, Kathryn. The Board, particularly Nechayev, is very unhappy with your decision to let Chakotay leave. You must admit that your explanation was pretty sparse – and the fact that you refused to elaborate on your reasons doesn’t look good. After all, you were sent to apprehend the man, and yet you let him go – two months before you get home.”

“Well, good lord, Owen! I didn’t know we were going to get home two months later! That was completely unexpected.”

“Nevertheless, the Board feels that you have not provided sufficient justification for your decision and they are calling you on it. Unless you would care to add to your explanation…?”

“I would not.”

“Very well. Then you will have to accept the Board’s findings>”

“Owen, they said I could appeal…”

“I would really advise against that, Kathryn. Just think for a minute. An appeal will undoubtedly lead to a court martial which will be held in the full glare of publicity; you be hounded by the press constantly. And you will end up forced to answer questions that you obviously don’t want to. For your own sake, as much as anyone else’s, I would strongly recommend you take early retirement. You will receive all the honours due you plus a very nice settlement which will allow you to live comfortably for the rest of your days. The only proviso besides the one already named is that you don’t discuss this deal. And that’s fair, Kathryn. Starfleet could throw the book at you; in fact, Nechayev wanted to but everyone else talked her down. You do have an enemy there, which is another reason to leave.”

“Owen, can I stay here for a while and think about all this?”

“Yes, of course. Stay as long as you want.” And he went out the door leaving her to contemplate a future very different from any she had imagined.


	5. Retirement

When she thought about it sensibly and objectively, there really was no choice at all. Kathryn Janeway took early retirement and with it, all the honours and plaudits an adoring Federation could lavish on her. Only she (and Owen Paris) knew how empty it all was, how meaningless. And although she tried even harder now not to think of Chakotay, who, no doubt, she would never see again, she found him in her thoughts more and more. Without all the distractions offered by her ship and crew, she had too much time to think. She decided to go home to Indiana.

* * *

Kathryn walked out of the public transport facility nearest her old home and started down the road. She welcomed the chance to remember, to look about her and count the changes since her last visit just before she had shipped out on Voyager. In seven years, not that much was different. A new home here, a row of young saplings there, a barn missing behind that red house – which she was sure had been yellow. No, there was the yellow house a little further on. And so, she walked for a mile until she reached the old clapboard farmhouse with the big willow behind (thank goodness it was still there), where she had grown up.

She had decided to surprise her family – hadn’t even stopped to check her messages because suddenly she wanted her mother very badly indeed. As she approached the steps, the door opened and her sister stepped out.

“Phoebe! Phoebe, is that really you? It’s me – Kathryn. I’m finally home. Where’s Mom? I’m dying to see her – it’s been so long.”

Phoebe Janeway stood rooted to the spot in astonishment.

“Kathryn! Where have you been?! Why didn’t answer any of my messages?! What is wrong with you?”

Kathryn froze. “Phoebe, what are you talking about? What messages? Starfleet wouldn’t let me contact anyone – not until they had finished reviewing my logs. Where’s Mom?”

“I’ve left I don’t know how many calls for you. I guess there’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it. You better sit down. Mom was completely devastated when your ship disappeared. At first, she tried to keep up her hopes, even as time went by and it became more and more obvious you most likely weren’t coming back. She refused to consider the possibility that maybe this time you really were gone for good. But when Starfleet declared you officially lost, she collapsed. She suffered a massive stroke which left her mentally and physically incapacitated. I had just had a major exhibition open in Paris when I was called home; a neighbour down the road had found her when he came over to see how she was. She lived, well existed anyway, for another eighteen months before she finally just faded away. She died of a broken heart, thanks to you.”

In growing horror, Kathryn listened to her sister, but at that, she cried out and covered her face. “Phoebe, I didn’t mean to get lost on the other side of the galaxy! I’ve tried so hard to get home. I wanted so badly to see Mom again.”

“Well, you’re too late. Maybe if you had paid more attention to her when she was alive instead of gallivanting all over the quadrant, you wouldn’t feel so badly now. I’m sorry, Kathryn, but you’ll get no sympathy from me. All my life, I have been pulling your irons out of the fire. First when Daddy died and you hid in your bed for months – and did it ever occur to you that Mom and I were suffering just as much? No, of course not! And then you disappear and I’m left holding the bag again, having to nurse Mom for all that time and watch her despair of ever seeing you again. Well, I’ve had it, Kathryn! You may be the quintessential Starfleet captain, but as a human being, you leave a hell of a lot to be desired!” And with that, Phoebe turned around and walked back into the house.

Kathryn continued to sit on the porch, absolutely stunned by the fact of her mother’s death as well as her sister’s hatred and resentment. She had had no idea how angry Phoebe had obviously been for all those years. Now she knew why Mark had answered her first letters from the Delta Quadrant. No doubt Phoebe had been too mad to want anything to do with her – as indeed she still was.

Eventually, Kathryn got up and tentatively opened the door. Creeping in, she found her sister in the kitchen.

“I’m sorry, Phoebe. I don’t know what else I can say. I certainly never meant for you to have all the burden for Mom – and everything. I didn’t realize…”

Phoebe interrupted her. “That’s your problem right there, isn’t it? You didn’t realize. You never have realized that there was a whole world and life beyond Starfleet. Well, Mom’s gone so you’ve missed out there. And don’t look to me. I’ve finally got the life I want and I don’t need you causing more uproar.”

Is there anything I can do, any way I can make up for all the hard times you’ve gone through?”

“No, Kathryn, you can’t do anything except to stay out of my way – for good. I’ll get the lawyer, Mr. Carruthers, to arrange for you to get your share of the inheritance. Don’t worry, it’s all there.”

“Take it, please. Take it all. I don’t want it. Maybe somehow it will help to make up for all the trouble I’ve caused. It seems only fair. Tell me where to find this Mr. Carruthers and I’ll tell him to give my share to you.”

“Kathryn, that wasn’t what I meant.”

“I know, but please, take it. I’ll feel better knowing I’ve been able to do one thing for you.”

“Very well, I will. Go into town – you’ll find his office on the main street. Goodbye, Kathryn.”

* * *

Kathryn Janeway returned to San Francisco; she realized there was nowhere else to go. Her career was gone, her family, the house she had grown up in as well as the one she had owned seven years ago – long since sold with all its contents, her dog, her fiancé. All were gone.

Temporarily, she moved into a hotel so at least she would have a roof over her head. She tried to take an interest in the city around her, to follow the latest news reports, to find new interests. But after a month, she knew all her efforts were in vain. She moped through each day finding it harder and harder to even get out of bed in the morning. And all she could think of was the irony in how she had made such a superhuman effort to get home at great personal cost, only to find herself useless, redundant and unwanted.


	6. Tom and B’Elanna

Life for Tom and B’Elanna had taken a somewhat different turn. There was no question that they wanted to stay together. Both had received full pardons, but while Tom was invited to remain in Starfleet with a chance to serve on the latest ship, B’Elanna was not. Apparently, there were limits to Starfleet’s trust of the Maquis, all of whom were thanked profusely for their service and then cut loose.

Tom was so angry that he immediately returned the commission he had just accepted, together with a blistering condemnation of Starfleet’s double standards. His resignation was accepted and his retort ignored. The pair departed to Australia to look into test piloting for Tom and possibly engine design for B’Elanna.

However, at that point, Lieutenant Barclay reappeared in their lives.

Although Reg Barclay had not served on the Enterprise for some years, he remained good friends with a number of the crew, particularly Deanna Troi and Geordi LaForge. It was the latter who told him all about B’Elanna Torres’ astonishing engineering capabilities. Geordi had been amazed several times over by her abilities, and had spent quite a bit of time berating Starfleet bureaucrats for their narrow-minded suspicion of anyone tainted by the Maquis.

With Voyager home, the Pathfinder project had been terminated and Reg was able to finally indulge his passion for engine design. It took several days but eventually he tracked Torres to Australia and persuaded her and Tom to return to San Francisco with him.

He had an idea. “I want to start designing engines that can utilize some of the Borg technology you experimented with, as well as the slipstream effect. But I don’t know enough about it; you do. Would you be willing to join me on the project?”

Tom replied. “Uh, Reg. Perhaps you don’t know – we’re not in Starfleet anymore.”

“Oh, I – I know. But we can get around that. I worked it all out. You can be consultants!”

“What’s that?” asked B’Elanna

Tom’s eyes began to gleam. “I’ll tell you what it is, B’E,” he explained. “It’s a way of doing the work we want to do, and getting paid very well, ignoring all those stupid regulations, and being able to thumb our noses at Starfleet. Reg, that’s brilliant! You’re a genius! We’ll do it.”

B’Elanna was still puzzled but let Tom decide for them both – this was his turf, not hers.

In no time, Reg had obtained approval and funding for his project and had hired his consultants. One session with B’Elanna convinced the Starfleet engineers that here was pure genius, and they put all their efforts into making her an integral part of the team.

Tom was brought in to help design a ship for the new engines, and before either quite knew what had happened, they were set up in the best facilities with everything they could possibly need.

Very quickly, it became apparent that more help was needed. Tom asked his father for Seven of Nine’s whereabouts and subsequently found her trying, without much success, to “adapt” to her long-lost relatives. He had no trouble convincing her that she would be much better off with them, and so Seven became a Starfleet consultant, too.

Tom laughed and laughed.

The weeks passed quickly for the design team; the former Voyager crewmates found themselves falling into old habits which meant frequent fireworks between Seven and Torres. At first the Starfleet members of the team were quite disconcerted by the constant sniping, but eventually they learned to simply dive for cover whenever there was a major blow-up and call Tom. In addition to his designated role as ship designer, he became a de facto referee. Seven and B’Elanna thrived on the conflict and their work proceeded well.

In the third month, they were met with a welcome surprise – Harry Kim joined their team. Immediately after Voyager’s return, Starfleet had rewarded Harry for his years of faithful service with a promotion to lieutenant-commander. The brass at Command wanted to salvage something out of the Janeway fiasco and Harry proved to be the perfect poster boy. He was paraded around the Federation as a fine example of a Starfleet officer until, finally, he could stand no more and threatened immediate resignation if he was not reassigned.

Tom had kept in touch sporadically and now wasted no time in grabbing onto Harry before he was posted elsewhere. Starfleet was not entirely pleased but when Tom explained that Harry had very unique knowledge that would enable the team to progress even faster, there was no more argument.

The Federation had a real fear that invasion would come soon – from either the remnants of the Borg, the Dominion, Species 8472, or some entirely new threat. The transwarp project was given top priority and those admirals who dared to get in the way were unceremoniously pushed aside.

Harry had no trouble fitting into the group; before a week was out, he felt as if they were all on the ship once again.

Tom was in his element. He had discovered an unexpected aptitude for utilizing and meshing each person’s abilities to the best advantage. Gradually he became the co-director of the project although Reg Barclay was still nominally the head. But Reg hadn’t grown up in the system and certainly wasn’t a “people” person. Tom had - as well, he excelled at manipulating. They complimented each other very well.

With the team working full out, by the fourth month, construction actually began on a new version of the Delta Flyer. Numbered III, it was fitted with a Federation version of a transwarp engine. Hopes were high as the first trials were run; however, the engine failed only a few minutes into the test and the ship had to be towed back to spacedock.

B’Elanna blamed Seven who took the high ground stating that such setbacks happened and challenged her to stop “thinking small”. Privately, however, she confided to Harry that she didn’t know what had gone wrong and had no idea what to suggest. The team was stuck – and then Seven thought of the captain.


	7. Janeway

Kathryn Janeway was bored and miserable. She had been gradually retreating into herself, much as she had in the Void in the Delta Quadrant. But now there was no one to watch over her and to try to draw her out of her depression. There was no Chakotay.

Recognizing that she had no one to keep an eye on her, she told herself she must go out, must try and stay in touch with the world around her, must not let herself slip away from everything again. And on this particular day, she actually forced herself to go out and look for a cup of coffee.

As she walked down the street, who should she see on the other side but Seven of Nine. At first, she couldn’t believe her eyes, but sure enough – the sun reflected off her optical implant.

“Seven!” she called. “Seven, over here!”

“Captain, how fortuitous! I have been trying to find you for over a week.”

“You have? Why? I thought you were in Norway with your family.”

“Captain….”

“Seven, I’ve retired. I’m no longer a captain of anything. Please. Call me Kathryn.”

“Very well. Kathryn. I have much to tell you.”

“Then let’s find a cup of coffee and a place to sit. You’re the first good thing I’ve seen in far too long.”

* * *

Over the next two hours, Seven talked, explaining all that had happened to her since she had left the ship.

Kathryn was astonished to hear about the transwarp project and begged for details. She was delighted to get news of Tom, B’Elanna and Harry, and expressed her disappointment over the failure of the engine.

“Cap - Kathryn, we are at a dead end. No one has any idea what to do next. Would you be willing to lend us your expertise, to bring a fresh viewpoint to the problem?”

“Seven, oh! I don’t know. I’ve been out of touch for so long. I don’t think there’s much expertise left.”

“Well, could you at least come and see the others? I know they will want to see you.”

“Let me think about it. I – I haven’t been very well, you know.”

_That was an understatement_, Seven thought. Kathryn looked terrible – thin, pasty-faced, dull-eyed.

“Here is where to reach me.” Seven input her contact information on a PADD. “How soon may I contact you? And where are you living?”

“I’m in that hotel just up the street – yes, that one over there. I’ll call you. Thank you, Seven. It’s been so good to see you. I will call.”

“If I have not heard from you in three days, Kathryn, I will call you. We need help badly and I believe you are the best person to provide it.” And with that she rose and strode off down the street.

Kathryn continued to sit in her chair until the waiter came by to refill her cup for the third time. She couldn’t decide what to do. She had actually become comfortable in her isolation, something she hadn’t realized until now. But that wasn’t good, she was sure. And her interest had certainly been caught by Seven’s description of the project’s problems. She found herself wondering what methodology they had used, and as her curiosity increased, she decided it couldn’t hurt to attend at least one meeting. If nothing else, it would be wonderful to see her old crew again.

She walked back to her lodging with a lighter step than she would have believed possible at the beginning of the day.

When Seven checked her messages an hour later, there was one from Kathryn. “When’s the meeting? I’ll be there.”

Tom was flabbergasted when Seven gave him the news. The Captain – here?! “But I thought she was retired in Indiana, painting, or gardening or whatever.”

“Tom, do you not want her help? Should I not have asked her?”

“Yes, of course I do. I’m just not sure what Starfleet will think.”

“What do you mean? I should think they would be glad of her assistance.”

“Seven, uh, what I’m about to tell you goes no further. I only know because of my father, and B’Elanna knows because I told her, but that’s it. The captain didn’t retire voluntarily. She was forced out because headquarters had real concerns about her ability to command. They threatened her with a full court martial if she didn’t leave and swear never to captain a ship, any ship, ever again.”

“Tom, I find this very hard to believe. Why would they do this?”

“The surviving Equinox crew filed a formal grievance. The only way to satisfy them and keep it out of the media was for Janeway to retire under those conditions. Believe me, Starfleet didn’t want to court martial her but they would have. You have to realize, too, that she has enemies at Command. One admiral in particular was really gunning for her. My dad told me he had a really hard time convincing the Board of Inquiry not to file charges. He only succeeded because Starfleet didn’t want all the dirt to become public knowledge.”

“So you are concerned now that once Starfleet finds out Janeway is involved with us, that they will demand she leave.”

“Yeah, although our situation here is different. Let me talk to my dad. I think that this project is so important that we will be able to overrule anything Starfleet can do. My dad should be able to advise us.”

* * *

That night, Tom had a long, very frank conversation with his father, who held the opinion that Starfleet would not make waves about Janeway’s involvement, although a number of admirals certainly wouldn’t like it. He learned from Tom where Kathryn was living and contacted her.

“Owen! My goodness, this has been a day for seeing old friends. What can I do for you?”

“Kathryn, I’m glad to see you. How are you? You look terrible. We all thought you were in Indiana with your family.”

Kathryn’s face paled. “I guess no one told you either. Owen, my mother died over three years ago. And my sister wants absolutely nothing to do with me.”

“Oh my, how dreadful! I am so sorry – I had no idea. Why didn’t Phoebe contact me? What happened to Gretchen?”

“She had a massive stroke when Voyager was officially declared lost – she died eighteen months later. I guess Phoebe felt Starfleet was at the heart of all her family’s problems; she certainly doesn’t want me now.”

“How long have you been here? And what have you been doing?”

“I came back only a day after I left – a week and a half after Voyager’s return. And I haven’t been doing anything. I’ve been very depressed, Owen, and, I realize now, very lonely.”

“Kathryn, you mean you’ve seen no one?! You’ve been by yourself all this time?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that stops now. First of all, pack your bags. I’ll be by in half an hour to pick you up. You’re coming here to live – for now anyway. And no arguments. That’s an order, young lady.”

What could she say? “Yes sir.”

In half an hour, Owen Paris was handing her into his hovercar, and half an hour after that, she was being fussed over and coddled by Doris, his wife and Tom’s mother. She sat in the kitchen, sipping tea and nibbling on a cookie, more that a little bemused by her sudden change in circumstances.

“Kathryn, I’ve put you in the girls’ old room. It has a nice view and you have your own bathroom. Why don’t you have a nice hot bath and then a good sleep? We’ll talk in the morning.”

“Thank you, Doris. I will. Goodnight.” And she did indeed sleep better than she had for several months.

* * *

After breakfast, with Owen gone, Doris sat down with Kathryn over their coffee cups and got down to brass tacks. “Kathryn dear. I’m going to be blunt. You look terrible – you’re far too thin, your face is much too pale, you look half-dead. Obviously, you need someone to look after you. Until you get back on your feet, I want you to stay with us. Owen does, too. We are both very unhappy with the way you were treated by Starfleet and certainly, if we had had any idea about your mother – I am so sorry, darling, I was very fond of Gretchen, although we had lost touch the last few years. The least I can do is look after her daughter when she’s in trouble.”

At that, Kathryn burst into tears. All the pressure, the rejections, the misery and unhappiness, it all poured out. Finally, she could tell someone how awful she felt and know she would not be judged.

At the end of an hour, Doris Paris held a trembling woman who was trying to compose herself enough to go and wash her face. But she felt better for the first time in far too long, and cleansed somehow. She knew she had a long way to go but she had taken a big step. And just knowing she could talk unreservedly to someone was such a relief.

“Oh Doris, I’m sorry. I never meant to cry all over you.”

“Sweetheart, I’m glad you did. You needed that, didn’t you.”

“Yes, I guess I did.”

“Starfleet has never been able to satisfactorily solve the problem of how to properly care for its captains. And your situation was so bad. Now, my dear, I want to hear all about Chakotay. B’Elanna doesn’t say much but from the bits she and Tom have let fall, I gather there was some sort of relationship.”

“Where do I start? It was all so complicated.”

“But you love him, don’t you?”

“Yes,” she sighed, “too much for my own good.”

“How can you love someone too much? Well, maybe if he didn’t love you back. Was he in love with you?”

“Yes, for a long time he was. But the last few years, I wasn’t so sure. I kept pushing him away, you see, and provoking him. I was pretty awful to him. It was the only way I knew not to give in to my feelings.”

“And when he left? What did you do? Why did you let him leave?”

“I let him leave because…. I thought he didn’t love me anymore. I had hurt him so many times and I felt very guilty about that. I thought the least I could do was honour his wishes and let him go. But oh Doris! I have missed him so much! Not a day goes by when I don’t remember his smile and those dimples! Oh my! They turned me to jelly more than once although of course I couldn’t let him know.

“I’d hoped that all this time apart would have eased my feelings for him, let me get over him, but it hasn’t happened. I still miss him just as much as the day we left him on that planet. And I know I’ll never see him again. Oh Doris, I wish we’d never come back! I wish we were still in the Delta Quadrant!” And the tears started again.


	8. B’Elanna Has an Idea

B’Elanna Torres was more than a little surprised to receive a message from Tom’s mother requesting a private meeting. While she wouldn’t admit to feeling intimidated by Doris Paris, she certainly couldn’t deny certain feelings of apprehension. The insecurity hidden behind her Klingon façade tended to make her more aggressive, and as a result, she and Doris had found very little common ground. All that was about to change.

“B’Elanna, thank you for seeing me. What I am about to tell you must remain between us. I don’t want even Tom or his father to know about this. Is that all right with you?”

B’Elanna slowly nodded her head, completely in the dark about what this woman would want from her.

“Last night Owen brought home Kathryn Janeway.”

“The Captain?! Here?! But I thought she was with her family in – well, wherever they are.”

“Yes, we did too. Let me explain….”

* * *

Sometime later, and more than a little stunned, B’Elanna had been brought up to date on her former captain. She was able to reassure Doris on one key point – Chakotay had never stopped loving his captain. It had taken all the resolve he had to leave her, and then only because it was a final act of self-preservation. He had known he was no good to her as he was, and had thought she might do better without him.

Doris then suggested they put their heads together and come up with a way to reunite them. At first, B’Elanna could think of nothing, but then Seven’s admonition of “thinking small” came back to her, and she began to smile. Well, her idea wasn’t small – and it might just work.

“B’Elanna, you have a gleam in your eye. Does that mean you’ve thought of something?’

“I have indeed but I want to work it through in my head first. Let me get back to you in a day or so.”

“Thank you, my dear. You’ve taken a very big weight off my mind.”

“Mrs. Paris, you’re sure this is what the captain wants….”

“Darling, it’s Doris – and yes, I am sure. Oh my! Look at the time! I must get home before anyone misses me.”

B’Elanna tried to go back to the set of calculations she had been working on, but could no longer concentrate. The more she thought about her idea, the better she liked it. Several birds would be killed with one stone – only she and Doris would know just how many. That night she called.

“Doris, we’re in business. When can we meet?”

“Can you come over for lunch tomorrow? Tell Tom we’re trying to get to know each other better, and of course, you want to see Kathryn. But tell him, it’s girls only.”

“All right. I’ll see you then. Good night.”

* * *

At noon the next day, B’Elanna was greeted first by Doris and then by Kathryn.

“Captain! You look ….” and she stopped, at a loss for words.

“Hello, B’Elanna. I know, I look awful. You can say it. You were never one to hold back.”

“Then – you look awful. Has Doris filled you in?”

“Beyond hinting at some mysterious plot you’re both cooking up, no. And may I say, I have never seen a more unlikely pair of conspirators. Exactly what are you planning?”

“It’s very simple, Captain. You want to be in the Delta Quadrant with Chakotay – and we’re going to get you there.”

“You’re what?! And who says I want to be with Chakotay? What is going on?” demanded Kathryn, going into captain mode. Good, thought Doris, that’s more like it.

“Kathryn dear, you said so only yesterday. You told me how much you missed Chakotay and wished you had never left the Delta Quadrant. Don’t you remember?”

“Well yes, but I was pretty upset at the time. I probably said all sorts of things. I didn’t necessarily mean all of them.”

“Captain! Kathryn!” both women started to reply. B’Elanna looked at Doris who nodded. “Captain, do you or do you not miss Chakotay?”

“Well, of course I do, but….”

“Kathryn, did you or did you not tell me, only yesterday mind you, how much you still loved him, how you had not been able to get over him? Wasn’t that you talking?!”

Kathryn could only nod her head.

“Well then, it seems to me that instead of wallowing in misery, you would be better off trying to do something about it. Don’t you think so?”

“But I don’t know if Chakotay would still want me. I mean, he’s probably gone on with his life and found someone who could love him and care for him….”

B’Elanna interjected. “Captain, you’ll never know if you don’t try to find out. That’s a risk, yes, but you have to ask yourself this - do you think Chakotay is worth taking a chance for?”

This was it – the moment of decision. And then Kathryn looked at them both with the old sparkle in her eye. “Yes, B’Elanna. Let’s do it.”


	9. Prototype

B’Elanna’s plan was really very simple. The new engines, once redesigned and rebuilt, would have to be tested. So, put Janeway on the team, bring her along on the test run, pop through the wormhole into the Delta Quadrant, find Chakotay, leave her there and return. The whole trip would only take a few days and no one except those on board would know just where exactly they had been. Well, in theory it was a wonderful idea. In practice, it would need a lot of work.

The three conspirators decided very early on that while Owen must be kept in the dark because of his position in Starfleet, Tom would have to be told.

Two nights later, with Owen away at a conference, Tom and B’Elanna joined his mother and former captain for an informal little dinner _en famille_. He had been very pleased to see his mother and B’Ela growing closer. By the end of the evening, he sat in astonishment, stunned by just close they had become.

“I would never have believed it.” to his mother. “You’re just not the kind of person who does this sort of thing. B’Ela maybe, after all look where she came from, but you! – I don’t believe it!”

“Tom darling, believe it. Now close your mouth, dear. There’s work to be done.”

Tom continued to mutter to himself, pausing only to stare at Kathryn. “You know,” he burst out, “I wouldn’t have believed it of you either.”

“Come now, Mr. Paris. You participated in all sorts of covert missions on Voyager. This isn’t so different. Tom, I haven’t been happy for a long time – from before we even came through the wormhole. I was lying to myself and everyone else when I denied my feelings for Chakotay. And it wasn’t fair, not to him or me. I’m not saying we should have acted on those feelings; I don’t think that, but we should have at least acknowledged them. And that’s where I was wrong, because he did and I wouldn’t. Maybe this scheme will work, and maybe not; maybe Chakotay won’t want me anymore, but at least I’ll know, at least I’ll have tried. It’s a second chance, Tom, and my last chance. I’m not going to mess it up again. Will you help us?”

“Of course, Captain, there’s no question about that. I guess I’m just having trouble fitting the prim and proper captain who bailed me out of prison into this equation.”

“She doesn’t exist anymore, Tom. She’s gone. This is the real me, Kathryn. And I want you, all of you, to call me that. The captain is gone.”

“All right, Kathryn. But it will take a little getting used to.”

“I know, but you will. Now, what are we going to tell Harry and Seven?”

“I don’t think we need to tell them anything. Seven invited you to the next meeting – you come. As far as they and everyone else are concerned, that’s it. And god knows, we really do need the help.”

“That’s true, Cap – uh, Kathryn. I’m at a dead end – we need some fresh ideas if this is going to work.”

“Okay. Seven has already told me the meeting is tomorrow at 1000, so I’ll see you then.” Getting to her feet, she made her farewells and headed for the stairs.

Tom and B’Elanna were quick to follow but as they started out the door, Tom paused to whisper in his mother’s ear, “Mom, I am really proud of you. Thank you for doing this for her.”

“You don’t have to thank me. Starfleet left her hanging out to dry; this is the least I can do. But don’t tell your father. Good night, both of you.”

* * *

Right on time the next morning, Kathryn Janeway presented herself at the project. In deference to the independent nature of the consultants, the site was not on Starfleet property but near by. In fact, Headquarters loomed over the rather unpretentious warehouse in alarmingly close proximity. Kathryn wondered if that was why all the windows were covered, and then chastised herself for paranoia.

However, Tom confirmed her fears. “I don’t know if it makes any difference or not. But they are awfully close – and it makes us feel better. There are far too many nosy officers who should be doing other things besides bothering hardworking stiffs like yours truly. Although I guess if they want to poke and pry, they can. Walk with me a moment, Kathryn.” And he led her away into an empty room and handed her a note written on paper. It suggested that they not talk about their secret plan anywhere except at the Paris house. They couldn’t be too careful.

Kathryn nodded.

Tom then proceeded to roll up the note and eat it.

She stared at him for a minute, then started to laugh.

But he remained solemn-faced and she realized he was serious. Turning, he led the way to the meeting room.

* * *

As the days passed, Kathryn came to enjoy her new role. Being a consultant was fun – she could do what she liked with people whom she cared for, and not have any of the responsibility. It occurred to her that if Chakotay didn’t work out, at least she would have something to fall back on. That fact alone made her much happier.

The transwarp engine was pulled apart, analyzed, retested in the lab and eventually the problem was found. The theory was sound but the actual manufacture had been flawed. Starfleet alloys could not bear the added stress; new ones closer to the Borg model had to be found. Seven’s input at this stage was absolutely invaluable. Between them all, they were able to rebuild the engine with new metals and start testing it in the lab.

As well as the work at the project offices, plans were proceeding apace at the Paris’ home. Tom and B’Elanna became regular visitors, much to his father’s delight.

For years, Owen Paris had felt guilty over how his treatment of Tom had driven him away. The guilt had led him to push for the Pathfinder project which had resulted in regular communication with Voyager while still in the Delta Quadrant. Now, with Tom so close, he could finally show him just how much he meant to him. Both Kathryn and Doris were pleased that their secret plans had had such a positive side effect. And another good thing, Kathryn thought, was the growing closeness between Doris and B’Elanna. She was relieved to know that even though she would most likely never see them again, they would all be just fine.

The day arrived, much sooner that they would have thought possible, when the new engine was mounted in the Flyer. Things were looking great until Seven threw the first monkey wrench.

“I shall come with you on the first test. I believe I will be better able to anticipate any problems.”

“Uh Seven”, replied B’Elanna. “That’s not necessary. I think you could better monitor it from here.”

“I disagree. I wish to come. Kathryn can stay here and monitor just as easily as me.”

“Seven, no. She can’t. I need Kathryn.” B’Elanna was starting to worry. Seven could really cause a problem.

Calling Tom, she suggested they take a walk. “We have a problem. Seven wants to come, in fact she’s insisting on it. If I object too much, she’ll get suspicious.”

As she finished, Seven stepped out from behind a tree. “And just what will I become suspicious about, B’Elanna? Perhaps the fact that you intend to return to the Delta Quadrant surreptitiously and leave Kathryn there?”

B’Elanna and Tom both looked thunderstruck. How on earth had she found out?! Which of them had told her? And who else knew?

“I would suggest you both try not to look so surprised. Of course, I know. Anyone with an ounce of logic, and knowledge of the situation, should be able to figure it out. Have you been in touch with Chakotay or is he going to get a surprise, too?”

“Well, Seven, since you’ve already figured it out, why don’t you tell us!” All of B’Elanna’s fears were coming to the fore.

“B’Elanna, don’t go Klingon on me now,” said Tom. “Seven, tonight you are coming for dinner at my folks’ house. And then we will talk. Until then, not a word. Okay? Okay, Seven?”

“Very well, Tom. Okay.” And she turned back to the lab.

“My god, Tom! What are we going to do?”

“Only thing we can do, B’Ela. Bring her into the fold. Come on, we’ve got work to do.”

* * *

That night, Seven and Kathryn had a long talk while Tom and B’Elanna entertained the older Parises. Owen was fobbed off with the story that Seven wanted a chat with Kathryn in private – which was pretty close to the truth.

Kathryn explained why they had not brought her into the plot. They had all been afraid of compromising Seven’s position; as a former Borg, she was regarded with some suspicion. More than one admiral had objected to her involvement in the project until it was pointed out how necessary her assistance was.

“You see, Seven,” said Janeway summing up. “If by some awful chance we’re discovered, we can’t have you put at risk. You’re absolutely essential to the project, more than anyone else. You’ve already proved that. Tom was adamant that you not be told for that reason alone, and I agree. He, B’Elanna, Reg, they’ve all invested too much into this to see it fail.”

“But they’re putting themselves at risk, Kathryn, by actively plotting for you.”

“Yes, but they’re replaceable. You’re not.”

Well, she couldn’t refute that argument. Seven nodded her head. “All right, I understand. But now that I do know, I want to help.”

“Oh Seven” and Janeway reached forward and hugged her. “I’m afraid of what might happen.”

“Enough people know of my demand to go that I think it would raise less suspicion to allow me to do so. Besides, have any of you given any thought to the wormhole? If it is still stable, then Starfleet could use it as well to get to the Delta Quadrant. You might have yet more problems.”

“No, I must admit none of us had thought of that. But I don’t know what we can do.”

“I have an idea. Once we re-enter the Alpha Quadrant, it might be possible to collapse the wormhole in such a way as to make it appear to be a natural phenomenon. Then, even if Starfleet does track us to the area, they won’t be able to get to you.”

“That makes sense. Can you work out a way of doing that?”

“I already have.”

“Seven, I apologize for underestimating you. I should know better by now.”

“Apology accepted. And yes, you should.”

And with that, they rejoined the others.

* * *

In the next few hours, events began to pick up speed.

The second monkey wrench appeared out of the blue from Starfleet’s direction. Reg Barclay had reported to his superiors that the Flyer was almost ready for another test run. An admiral no one had ever heard of, one Brackett, suddenly announced that he wished to go along to observe.

B’Elanna was nearly at her wits’ end, Kathryn was feeling very guilty again for putting them all through this, Tom was trying to maintain a positive attitude, and none of them dared show that anything was out of the ordinary. They managed to put down a lot of the obvious nerves to pre-flight jitters. Most of the rest of the team accepted that – they were nervous, too – but not Harry. He knew them all very well, and he knew something else was fueling an atmosphere heavy with tension. When Kathryn nearly burst into tears over a relatively small problem, Harry decided to confront Tom.

“All right. What is going on here? There’s something else happening, isn’t there. And don’t lie to me, Tom. I know you, I know all of you, far too well! Tell me the truth.”

“Harry, I can’t. For your own safety, your career, I can’t say anything. Believe me, if I could, I would. Please Harry, you already know too much. Just – just shut your eyes, block your ears, ignore us. Please. It’s for the best.”

“All right, Tom. I will. But if you can think of any way I can help…”

“You could find out who this Admiral Brackett is and why he suddenly insists on coming along.”

“Sure, I’ll do that. Anything else?”

“Well, if you could think of a way to stall him for a few days, say a week even, that would really help.”

“All right. Let me see what I can do.”

“Harry, uh, it might be best if you weren’t around here for the next couple of days.”

“Tom. I’m one of the team – this is not a time when I’d be away.”

“No, I guess not. Do what you can about Brackett. That would be great.” And Tom walked away, not really thinking Harry would have any luck.

However, six hours later, he was informed that Lieutenant-Commander Kim had taken Admiral Brackett on a tour of the Utopia Planitia shipyards so that the admiral could better understand just what their project was trying to accomplish. Mr. Kim was nothing if not thorough. He felt that the admiral could not properly comprehend the ramifications of transwarp without a full briefing on the history of the warp engine. And where better to conduct such a briefing than the yards where most of the engines were built. The admiral, who had spent his career planet-bound at headquarters and had only wanted a little joyride, was later heard to say he never wanted to hear the term ‘plasma manifold’ again.

The crisis had passed, but it illustrated the very cogent point that they could wait no longer. It was time to go.


	10. Test Flight

“Delta Flyer Three. You are cleared for departure. Good luck.”

“Thank you, Control. Flyer out.”

And the Delta Flyer sped out of orbit, through the solar system and into deep space.

Kathryn sat at a monitor but found herself watching the viewscreen instead. To her surprise, she felt a pang of regret. She had thought she couldn’t get off Earth fast enough, but now she realized she was leaving a whole life behind. All those good people who had done so much for her – she was not likely to see any of them again. Well, she shouldn’t count her chickens, as her mother used to say. If things didn’t work out with Chakotay, she might be back a lot sooner than she thought. And on that note, she turned back to her monitor.

The engines performed flawlessly; B’Elanna was so ecstatic she nearly forgot herself and hugged Seven. Reality reasserted itself just in time, however, so she hugged Kathryn instead. “We did it! We really did it!” she crowed.

In just a few hours, on a journey that would have taken a conventional ship days, they arrived at the coordinates of the wormhole. And yes, it was still there. It seemed to be pulsing somewhat, which Kathryn hadn’t remembered it doing before, but sensors indicated it was stable and certainly safe to pass through. Without more ado, they entered.

The Flyer was thrown about much more than Voyager had been, and Tom had real difficulty holding it steady. But in due course, they exited and found themselves once more in the Delta Quadrant.

Tom laid in a course for Chakotay’s planet, then called for reports. The engines were running even better than they had hoped - B’Elanna couldn’t be happier. Kathryn announced that there had been hull stress, more than expected but that was due, no doubt, to the extremely bumpy ride.

Then Seven dropped a bombshell. “Sensors are indicating that the wormhole is showing signs of decay. Most likely the process has been accelerated by our rough passage. We have, at the most, a few days before it is so unstable as to be unusable.”

There was dead silence. Then Tom spoke. “Are you saying we can’t go back?”

“No, I’m saying we won’t be able to go back if we’re here for more than four or five days. It is impossible to give a precise estimate. As you all know, wormholes are notorious for their unpredictability. I would recommend that we find Chakotay’s planet as quickly as possible, and then, as Tom would say – get the hell out of here!”

“Okay”, said Tom. “Transwarp engines on line.”

“Transwarp on line.” B’Elanna repeated.

“Let’s go.” And the Flyer shot off at top speed.

Two days later, they found the planet.


	11. Chakotay

Since leaving Voyager some eight months earlier, Chakotay had settled easily into life on this most hospitable of planets. He had several acres of land on the outskirts of a village, where he had built a log cabin, planted a good sized vegetable garden, started a small orchard and begun to grow the local grain which was used to make a version of flatbread. Determined to be as self-sufficient as possible, hewas well on the way to achieving his goal. He lived simply, worked hard and, for the most part, was content.

From time to time, he participated in village life and was available for emergencies, but generally he remained alone and somewhat on the edge of the community. The local people respected his privacy and usually left him alone.

His days were always full but his nights, he found, could be very lonely. Often he would look up at the stars and wonder where the ship was. How much further had they gotten? Were they managing all right without him? Did they ever think of him? Were they still alive? Sometimes, he wished he had stayed aboard, but mostly he knew he had done the right thing. He didn’t miss the turmoil and stress at all. Overall, Chakotay was satisfied.

Six months after his arrival, he was asked to help at a barn raising. This was very much a village tradition and he knew he should go. In fact, he found he was looking forward to meeting some new faces and becoming a more integral part of the community.

When he arrived at the farm, he found many people already there. The magistrate, who was the equivalent of the headman, called him over and introduced him to several of the men. They immediately ushered him into a group of several families and before he knew it, he was laughing and telling stories to a group of enthralled children and not a few adults.

It began when a little girl asked him about his tattoo. He allowed her to touch it, and then told her the legend behind it. That led to more legends and soon he had quite an audience. Storytellers were highly regarded and Chakotay’s place was assured.

By the time the main meal was served, he had a host of new friends. In particular, several of the younger women were quite drawn to this mysterious stranger with the flashing smile.

After the meal and a short rest period, the actual work was begun. With so many hands, it didn’t take long for the walls to be raised and a roof put on. Work continued by the light of the two moons until the last door was hung.

On the walk back to his cabin, Chakotay was joined by two families who lived nearby, both of whom made him promise to join them for evening meal in the following days.

As he rolled into his bed that night, he found he was happier than he had been at any time since his arrival. And they both had very pretty daughters. He didn’t know if anyone could ever replace Kathryn in his heart – loving her had become as much a part of him as his tattoo. But he knew that eventually he would have to put her aside and get on with the business of living.


	12. Reunion

The Delta Flyer Three assumed a polar orbit which hopefully would keep the local inhabitants unaware of their presence. No one was sure just how sophisticated the technology was here and they didn’t want to take any chances.

Seven began detailed scans and quickly discovered that the physiology of the indigenous people was very similar to human. Even with the advanced sensors of the Flyer, the scan could take some time.

Kathryn gave her six hours. If she had not found Chakotay by then, they would have to leave. The wormhole gave them very little margin.

The hours passed and as they did, Kathryn began to have second thoughts. What if he refused to see her? What if he didn’t want her? Or worst of all, what if he had found someone else? Knowing Chakotay, this last was a distinct possibility. He was not a man who could live alone for long periods of time. He needed companionship; he needed someone to love, to protect, to care for. The more she thought about it, the more she wondered if, in fact, this had all been a really stupid idea. Let him alone; he had made the decision to go, after all. He had known he wouldn’t ever see them again. Who was she to walk back into his life? And round and round it went.

At the five-hour mark, just as she was about to tell Seven to cease scanning, the latter announced she had finally located a human biosignature. There could be no doubt. It was Chakotay.

Kathryn stood up, looked at these three who had risked so much for her happiness, and knew she had to try. Tears gathered in her eyes and she couldn’t stop them running down her face.

“I am going to miss you – oh so much! (Sniff) I – I can’t even tell you. I’ll never forget you; know that whenever you look up in the sky, every day, I’ll remember you. Tell the others – back on Earth.”

“Goodbye Kathryn.” Tom hugged her hard. “Remember, we’ll be waiting for your signal.”

Seven was next and she too hugged this woman who had brought her back to humanity.

B’Elanna was last. “Tell him for me – tell him to treat you right. Or I’ll break his neck! Oh Kathryn, tell him I’ve missed him. I’ll remember you both, always.”

“Prepare for transport,” announced Seven.

Kathryn picked up her bag. “Energize.” And she faded away.

The three settled down to wait. She had one hour before they had to leave.

As luck would have it, Kathryn materialized right at the foot of Chakotay’s front steps. She paused to take in her surroundings. In front of her was a small log cabin, maybe twenty feet square with a covered verandah extending right across the front. A railing ran along its outer edge and two broad steps led down to a dirt path, where she was standing. She turned around to look down the path and gasped as she took in the view. Chakotay had obviously picked this site with care. In the far distance could be seen a line of mountains, purple-blue in a slight haze. Nearer were green rolling hills and she could just make out the line of a road disappearing over the closest one. No doubt the same road that ran past the field over there.

In the immediate foreground were an orchard on her right and a large garden with a number of unfamiliar plants on her left. Beyond the orchard was a forest of sorts and she could hear a creek if she listened very carefully. Birds were singing, crickets were chirping – it was idyllic.

She turned back to the front door, which was open, and started to mount the steps. Just as she did, Chakotay walked out. For a full minute, he just stared at her, clearly unable to believe his eyes.

“Kathryn! It can’t be! Kathryn?!” he exclaimed. And his face creased into a frown.

_Oh dear_, she thought. “Yes, Chakotay. It’s me.”


	13. Decisions

As Chakotay’s surprise abated, the questions began. “Kathryn, where have you come from? Where is the ship? Why aren’t you in uniform?” and finally, “Why are you here?”

“Chakotay, please, one at a time. It’s a long story. Can we sit down?”

“Yes, of course.” He gestured her toward the top step, then settled beside her. “Now tell me.”

“Well, very simply, I have come from a new modified version of the Delta Flyer. We did it, Chakotay; we got back to Earth! Two months after we left here, we found a wormhole that led to the Alpha Quadrant….”

As she went on with her tale, and it was long, he had to agree, he was able to read between the lines. She had been rejected, thrown out like so much trash, first by Starfleet, then by the only family she had left. She didn’t even have to tell him what she’d done next.

“Where did you hide, Kathryn?”

“What – what do you mean?”

“You were rejected by all you held dear. Everything you had worked for, sacrificed for, was worthless. They threw you out. So, where did you hide?”

His brutal candor frightened her. He knew her too well.

“The truth, Kathryn.”

“I, uh, found a place, a hotel in San Francisco. I stayed there for several months, well four, to be exact.”

“Did you go out at all?”

“I tried to, Chakotay, I did! But I didn’t know anyone and it was so hard. If I hadn’t met Seven that day…”

“What happened?”

“Well, I’d gone out, forced myself out really, for a cup of coffee. And there was Seven, bold as you please, walking down the street. She told me about the project she and Tom and B’Elanna were working on.”

“What project?”

“To develop a reliable transwarp and/or slipstream drive, using our experiences here as a guide. The Federation is most concerned about a number of perceived enemies – the Borg, the Dominion, species 8472, to name only a few.”

“Yes, I can imagine. What happened?”

“To make a long story short, I was invited to join the team. They had reached a dead end and needed a fresh viewpoint.”

“I’m surprised they all stayed in Starfleet.”

“They didn’t – only Harry did. They are all acting as consultants. The project is financed by the Federation Council; Starfleet have a lot of engineers working on it, but Tom and B’Elanna are running it, along with Reg Barclay – you remember him from the Pathfinder project – representing ‘fleet. They’re doing very well. Tom was able to find Seven and bring her in, and then Harry – who is now a lieutenant-commander.”

“Is he really? Good for Harry!” and finally she saw a faint smile.

“Chakotay, I don’t have much time – they’re waiting for me and well, I have to tell them very soon.”

“Tell them what, Kathryn? You haven’t answered my last question. Why are you here?”

She took a deep breath. “Chakotay, ever since we left you here, I’ve known I made a mistake, a big one. While we were still in this quadrant, I felt I couldn’t do anything to rectify it. Once we were through the wormhole, and then with everything after that, I didn’t think I was _able_ to do anything about it. But now, with the help of a lot of people, I have done something. I’ve come back to you, and I’m hoping you’ll let me stay.”

All through this speech, Chakotay’s resentment had been rising. Here she was, waltzing back into his life without so much as a by-your-leave, turning everything upside down again. The old feelings of being used and thrown aside resurfaced and his face darkened in anger.

Kathryn quailed inwardly as she watched him. Her worst fears rose up, threatening to swamp her. He didn’t want her anymore. She had pushed him away once too often.

“Damn it, Kathryn, how dare you just walk in and expect to take up where you left off! What do you think I am anyway? Someone you can pick up and discard as you like? Someone whose feelings don’t matter?! Well, they do matter – to me anyway. This time, lady, I’m calling the shots. I will not be used anymore!” And he turned away, breathing hard.

Her head fell forward, her face crumpled. All her worst fears were realized, and she knew now, beyond a doubt, how much she loved him and wanted him. Just to see him, to hear his voice had made her feel alive in a way she hadn’t in eight months. Oh god! She couldn’t leave – but it seemed she would have to.

In a desperate attempt to preserve a shred of dignity, she rose and started down the steps. But the tears were pouring down her face, blinding her, and she tripped on the bottom one. As she fell, a muffled sob escaped. That caught Chakotay’s attention and he turned to see her on her knees, shoulders shaking, hands over her mouth, attempting to stifle her cries.

As she began to get up, he went to her and lifted her head. The truth was revealed on her face as he stared at her in dawning comprehension.

“Kathryn, tell me the truth – all of it this time! Why are you here?”

“Cha – Chakotay,” she sniffed, trying to catch her breath and speak at the same time, “I told you – I want to stay with you.”

“Why?!”

“Because I love you, damn it! I’ve always loved you! And I’ve missed you terribly and everything went wrong and you weren’t there, and…. I don’t know what to do anymore!”

“Oh Kathryn, Kathryn! What a mess we’ve made.” And he sat down beside her and pulled her in tight against his chest. He could feel her shiver, then relax against him and wrap her arms around him.

They sat there for several minutes before Kathryn raised her head to look at him.

“Chakotay? Will you let me stay? No, let me rephrase that – do you want me to stay?”

As he looked down at this woman he loved so much – and he did still love her, there could be no doubt – he felt a peace creep into his heart, and knew that he did want her. There was a sense of completion now – he had everything. So he nodded his head.

“Yes, Kathryn. I want you to stay. Despite everything, I still love you; that won’t ever change.” Her shoulders slumped in relief. “But,” he continued, “we’re not going back to the way things were on the ship. This will be a partnership, an equal one. Decisions will be made together, we will discuss any problems together. I don’t want to see the captain. Do you understand?”

“The captain has been gone for a long time now. I’ve learned how to be Kathryn again.”

“Then, my love, I will be very, very happy to share the rest of my life with you.” And he hugged her tight before bending his head to gently kiss her mouth, her eyes, her nose and wherever else he could reach.

“Uh, Chakotay, before we get carried away, I must contact Tom. They have almost no time left.”

“Time for what?”

“Time to get back through the wormhole. They gave me an hour – then they have to leave. The wormhole is destabilizing. If they don’t go now, they will be stranded here.” She tapped her comm badge twice, then took it off.

As they watched, it shimmered away.

“Well, that’s it. Too late to change my mind, or yours.” She sighed. “I guess we’ll never know if they get through safely.”

“Sure we will. If they can’t get back, here is where they’ll come, isn’t it?”

“I guess it will be, at that. B’Elanna sent her love, by the way, and said if you didn’t treat me right, she’d break your neck.”

“I’m so glad to know that some people never change. But she’ll have no cause to do that. We’re going to have a wonderful life. I’ve made a number of new friends here. They’re good people, Kathryn, you’ll like them, and I’m going to take great pleasure in introducing you to them. We’ll start with the magistrate…”

As he spoke, he drew her back to the cabin steps and sat down, wrapping his arms around her. She leaned back against his chest and closed her eyes in peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted July 29, 2000; revised Jan. 20, 2001 - MaryS


End file.
